I Feel Guilty About Wanting to Date Again

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When someone asks you out or expresses an interest in you but you don't feel the aforementioned way, handling the situation tin exist difficult and stressful. Whether that person is a friend or not, you don't want to hurt their feelings. At the same time, you desire to exist very clear that you aren't interested. Rejection is never easy, but you lot can manage the situation in the all-time way possible by responding compassionately yet unambiguously.

1. one

   Express that you are flattered but non interested. Whether you are interested in the person or non, being asked out is always a compliment. That person thinks you are worth risking possible rejection and embarrassment for, and although they could take chosen literally anyone in the globe to be interested in, they picked you. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that.

   • Smile and say cheers. Express gratitude that the other person idea of you lot in that way, simply clearly land that although yous appreciate it, yous aren't interested.
   • For example, try saying something simple similar, "Thanks, I'm really flattered that you lot asked me out, just I'm not interested in you in that fashion."

2. 2

   Pause for a beat out before you say no. If you lot are put on the spot, at to the lowest degree pause for a moment before verbally shutting the person down. This shows them that you lot actually considered their question – even if you didn't. Maxim "no" without a trace of hesitation can definitely hurt someone'due south feelings.^[1]

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3. iii

   Say as little as possible. When information technology comes to turning someone down, less is commonly more. Lengthy rejections and rambling explanations tin can open up the conversation up to debate and misinterpretation.^[2] Yous don't demand to elaborate at length, so keep your rejection short and sweet.

   • The more you say, the more false information technology volition experience to the other person, and the more information technology prolongs an already awkward conversation.

4. 4

   Fib skillfully. If you're going to brand up an alibi, at least make sure to use something that is believable and doesn't accept a loophole. For instance, "I just got a promotion and I desire to focus on my work" or "I desire to prioritize my friendships" is much stronger than "I'm really decorated this calendar week" or "I'm merely not fix to date right now."^[3]

5. 5

   Utilise "I" statements. Instead of using language describing why you don't want them, try putting the focus on yourself instead. Simple statements such as, "I don't see you that style, I'k sorry" and "I really similar y'all as a person, but I don't feel a connection between us" are easier to digest than "You aren't my type."

6. 6

   End the chat gracefully. Both of you lot are probably feeling awkward and uncomfortable at this point, merely try to finish the conversation on a positive or lighthearted note.

   • If information technology seems appropriate, try using a little humour. At the very least, offer a sincere smile and excuse yourself.
   • Make a quick exit. Continuing the conversation or hanging around after the deed is done can be confusing and unpleasant for the other person.^[4]
   • You might want to keep the chat going in an attempt to attempt to act normal and make the other person feel amend about the rejection, but the kindest matter to do is end the run into as shortly as possible.

7. 7

   Keep the matter individual. There is no reason to discuss the matter at all with co-workers or at length with your friends. Be respectful of the other person'south feelings. Being rejected is hard enough without having to navigate the additional trouble of feeling ashamed about it in front of other people.

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1. ane

   Confront the issue. Rejecting someone is unremarkably extremely awkward for both parties involved and it tin be tempting to ignore the situation entirely. If you pretend it's not happening information technology will magically go away, right? Unfortunately, allowing silence to be your reply and hoping the other person will eventually "get the hint" is both cruel and a poor strategy that often backfires.^[5]

2. 2

   Requite them a firm answer as soon as possible. ^[6] Avoid waiting for "the right time" because there usually is no "right time." The longer y'all wait, the harder and more bad-mannered the rejection will exist for both of you.^[7]

   • Information technology tin make it hard for the other person to motion on if they don't receive a firm and clear "no" from you, so the kindest thing you can practice is provide that to them.^[eight] It may sting a niggling at get-go, but in the long run y'all'll both be happier for it.

3. iii

   Avoid "ghosting." Ghosting is a relatively new term to describe an age-old way of rejecting someone – past disappearing completely after an initial encounter, whether that'south one date or several.^[9] Rather than confronting the issue, the initiator permanently withdraws completely with no explanation – ever. Vanishing completely without ever addressing the issue is doing exactly what you are trying to avert – hurting that person's feelings.

   • In a 2012 study, researchers identified vii breakup strategies and so asked people to rate them from about to least ideal. "Ghosting" was overwhelmingly identified equally the least ideal mode to pause it off with someone.^[10]

4. 4

   Respond to strangers and acquaintances via text. Unless you've known this person for a long time or accept already been dating them for several months, letting them down gently via text is non only acceptable only also preferable.

   • The blow of rejection is softened by the neutrality of a text and allows the person to nurse their momentarily bruised ego in individual. At that place is no reason to make physical contact with someone yous don't know well just to turn them down.^[11]
   • In some cases, such equally when it comes to being approached online or by someone y'all work with that you rarely see and inappreciably know, even an email will suffice as a rejection.

5. five

   Respond to friends and co-workers in person. Anyone that you know personally or run into every mean solar day, such as a friend or co-worker, deserves a face to face response. This will likewise make inevitable future encounters far less awkward.

   • Delivering the news in person allows the other person to see your facial expressions/body language and hear the tone of your vocalism.^[12]

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1. one

   Be firm and absolute. Avoid wavering and actualization indecisive, which tin can confuse the other person. If you're firm when you turn them down the first time, you probably won't have to accept the chat twice.^[thirteen]

   • An ambiguous reaction from you could make the person feel similar they still take a take chances, which wastes their time and isn't fair to them.
   • It besides increases the likelihood that you'll need to repeat this awkward conversation with them in the future.

2. 2

   Speak kindly and directly. Approach them with a grinning and proceed your demeanor every bit at-home and relaxed as possible. Use positive body language, such as sitting or standing upwards direct and looking the other person directly in the eye, to convey that you are serious.^[xiv]

   • Negative body language, similar slumping or non looking them in the centre, indicates a lack of confidence in your own words. ^[xv]

3. 3

   Don't offer false hope. If you truly aren't interested in dating this person, make that fact clear. Statements similar "I'm too decorated with work correct now" or "I just got out of a long term human relationship" may seem similar kind responses, but to the other person this could sound more than similar, "Ask me again in a few weeks."^[16] Avert making it sound like there is a possibility for a time to come date, especially if y'all know there isn't.

4. 4

   Move on. Don't continue to stay in contact with a person that you lot have zero plans to e'er actually date. Sometimes it tin feel good being around someone who yous know really likes you, simply unless y'all are serious virtually returning the sentiment, you are simply feeding your own ego by doing it.

   • Don't re-initiate advice unless you're really interested. It can be tempting to reach out to someone who you've turned downwards in the past, especially if you lot are going through a rough patch yourself.
   • Unless you are truly interested in the person, there is no need to call, text, or even be Facebook friends with them.
   • The infamous drunk dial (or text) is a common manner people end up re-initiating contact. A momentary lapse of judgement on your stop can crusade a lot of defoliation and despair for someone else. You'll also be putting yourself in the position to take to reject them again.

5. five

   Avoid the friend-zone – unless you actually mean it. Do y'all really desire to exist friends, or are you lot just trying to spare the other person's feelings by saying and then? If it's the latter, just don't say it.^[17]

   • If you truly do want to remain friends, requite the person some space afterward y'all turn down them.^[18] Give them a risk to get by their bruised ego and embarrassment.
   • It's possible that the other person may non feel capable of being friends because of their romantic feelings for you. If that's the case, you will have to respect that.

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1. 1

   Recognize that it's okay to say no. No one enjoys hurting some other person, just turning someone down doesn't brand y'all a jerk or a bad person. It's completely normal and okay for you to say no. If you aren't attracted to someone in that way, you tin can't assist that. Saying anything other than "no" is disrespectful to both of yous.^[19]

2. ii

   Stop feeling guilty. You aren't obligated to please anybody, and you lot should never hold to date someone because you feel guilty. Respect your own feelings about the situation and don't question yourself.

   • Expressing guilt openly can really misfile the other person. If you lot are giving them an honest answer, apologies aren't necessary.

3. 3

   Trust your gut. Possibly you aren't fifty-fifty certain why you are turning the person downwardly, y'all just have a bad feeling virtually it or them. Trust that feeling. If something feels weird or off, information technology probably is.

4. iv

   Don't repent. It's okay to say no and you take absolutely nothing to apologize for.^[xx] You lot may fifty-fifty genuinely feel sorry, simply expressing that out loud translates as pity and that you've somehow done something wrong past turning them down.

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• Question

  How practice yous tell someone y'all don't want to date them through text?

  

  Jessica Engle is a human relationship jitney and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Expanse. She founded Bay Area Dating Double-decker in 2009, after receiving her Main's in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is also a licensed Union & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience.

  

  Human relationship Coach

  Expert Answer

  Exist kind, articulate and business firm. Say something like, "I really capeesh the fourth dimension nosotros spent together. I don't feel like nosotros're a match, but I wish you the best in your search." If they're really insistent, politely repeat yourself. Let them know that it is goose egg nearly them, but you lot are just not feeling like you have that spark.

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Article Summary 10

If you want to tell someone you don't want to date them without hurting them, smile and thank them for the compliment before explaining clearly that yous're not interested. When you give your answer, be calm but firm, since creating any dubiety in your reply could make them think they still have a risk. For instance, try saying something like, "Thanks, I'g really flattered that you asked me out, simply I'm not interested in yous in that fashion." Try to stick to a friendly tone during your response, and brand a quick exit to avoid giving them whatever false promise. For tips from our Relationship co-author on how to avoid feeling guilty nearly rejecting someone, read on!

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